Parenting After Separation
Despite separation becoming much more common for families in Alberta, it can still represent a significant life stressor for the people involved – especially when you have to co-parent after the separation.
Understandably, you and your ex-partner love your children. However, you two cannot seem to agree on anything, much less parenting at this difficult time. In addition to the emotional and mental challenges, having to navigate the legal system, spousal and child support and co-parenting at the same time can be daunting.
Children must spend meaningful time with both parents, and when navigating a separation, here are a few things to expect/note.
What To Expect
Take a course(s)
Suppose you and your spouse have recently separated or divorced and have children under 16. In that case, the resolution and court administration service mandate you and your ex-partner to take Alberta's Parenting After Separation (PAS) course and Parenting After Separation For Families in High Conflict (PASHC).
Other parenting programmes and courses are advisable for parents to take. Methods like breaking the cycle of conflict, anger management, parenting orders program (POP) and tuning into kids are helpful.
These courses help parents learn how to co-parent while living apart. They allow you as a parent to understand your anger, what triggers it, how it manifests and, more importantly, how to regulate it to raise emotionally intelligent and resilient children.
The co-parenting courses assist with parenting coordination, help parents understand their roles, and teach co-parenting training in a safe, collaborative, child-focused environment. They are often a one-day or 6-8 hours long course, as the case may be.
No Blame Game
Several things can help children adjust after their parent's separation, including good communication and minimal conflict in the home, good quality parenting, and a supportive relationship with both parents.
During a separation, it is not uncommon for people involved to throw blame. Parents blame one another, children blame themselves, and parents blame their children. One key thing to expect is the blame game, and it is imperative not to play this game.
At this stage, it is crucial to constantly reassure your child(ren) that the separation is not their fault and that they have done nothing wrong.
Focus On Your Child's well-being
Your child or children's well-being should be the primary focus when co-parenting. One of the parents' most damaging behaviours during and after a separation is ongoing parental conflict. While it may feel impossible to communicate without feeling angry or resentful, it's essential to find a way to maintain civility when your children are present. In addition, t helps your children's physical disposition and mental well-being.
Renegotiate Boundaries
Establish boundaries while maintaining a civil, cordial and professional relationship with your ex-partner. Your ex may have been a terrible partner, but they may very well be a great parent, and it is essential to establish boundaries when co-parenting.
While you or your partner may have to move or relocate, It is usually advisable to maintain as much normality in your child's life as possible. Keep healthy family rituals, and maintain daily routines as you navigate your new relationship with the other parent.
Boundaries apply to your children also. Therefore, it is vital to lovingly let your children know in clear and simple terms the rules that apply when they are in your care and the ones that do not. While some things may be acceptable and different in their other parent's home, you have to teach them that people have different rules and that it is okay for your restrictions to be further from the other parent's.
